I'm going to NY next weekend!

^.^

This is my first update in a while...nothing really has happened, I'm just really busy with schoolwork.
In my English class I had to Interview someone for one of our assignments, and I got to talk to a RHPS shadow cast member. He was extremely nice about everything and gave me some really nice answers. Buut, I have to turn the interview into an essay which should be easy enough but it will be time consuming. Also, I'm going to have a bit of trouble getting my point clear and getting his quotes to flow together. The point of my paper is about how Hollywood continues to "re-make" and destroy films that don't need to be re-made. And most of the questions I asked him are pretty much just about him...I asked his thoughts on MTV re-making RHPS and he said he didn't think it needed to be re-made but that is doesn't really affect him. I'm not really sure what else to ask him that would go along with my theme...so, I guess I need to figure that out, and re-write my literacy Narrative all before Monday...

I'm getting pretty tired of schoolwork.

I'm pretty sure my English teacher hates me again. She acts all nice and friendly towards me until I forget to bring something to class or don't get something turned in on time, then she just stares me down like I'm Satan or something. Apparently we were supposed to print out and bring in an interview today to analyze it. I forgot mine, and after she got done whining about how we should have all remembered to bring a copy in she said that she had a copy if someone needed it. Another girl spoke up before I was able to so I thought if I just sat there in my group and didn't say anything she wouldn't notice or maybe one of the guys in my group would be nice enough to let me use their paper. Once I realized that wasn't going to work and that we would be spending the entire class doing this, I asked if she happened to have another copy of the interview. I have never been glared at like that before...I thought she was going to throw something at me and scream for me to leave. She handed me the paper and didn't say a word. I couldn't even look up at her after that. I mean, it's nice that some people are so obsessed with schoolwork that they have nothing better to do then make sure they can overachieve as much as fucking possible, but I cant. Sorry.
I guess some people cant have 23 credit hours, work a 15 hour job, and be apart of 10 clubs their freshman year in a catholic college. (Yes, this is what she told us.)
I wonder if it's just her or if all catholic women are constantly pms-ing...

I wish I knew what the fuck to do with my life because obviously college is not for me. I have never felt so dumb or questioned my abilities as much as I do now. Every class I've had here has made me feel like I am capable of nothing. Each test brings me to tears and I feel completely hopeless. I don't even want to try anymore because I'm so afraid of fucking up. If I had somewhere to go I would drop out right now. I don't know why I ever thought this was a good idea. I cant even do basic math and I thought I could graduate from college. This is what I get for being optimistic...

A few things I enjoy.

1. Feeling the way I did last night. I'm not even sure how to explain it...but I haven't been that fully happy for as long as I can remember. I wanted to put on a dress and go dance in a field. It was odd. Maybe I'm bi-polar?

2. Getting packages from Gramma!! Today she sent me a scarf she knitted and a valentines day card encouraging me to eat as much chocolate as I could fit inside me. She also sent me a story she had published in a newspaper about gargoyles :] (She's obsessed with Edgar Alan Poe and Vampires)

3. Flushing the toilet when the other girls are showering. They scream and curse :]

4. Getting things done and not dreading/worrying all day. Today I met with my English teacher to talk about my LN and how much it sucked. Surprisingly, she totally sympathized with the whole not being able to focus on one topic. And she understood my urge for wanting to include EVERYTHING I can possibly think of in my story, even when it doesn't flow together. It made me feel a lot better knowing that she understands how it feels and gave me advice on improving it :] So, now I'm pretty sure I can finish this paper.

5. Listening to music before I go to sleep. I don't know why, but I love to lay in my bed with my headphones on and listen to music and daydream before I sleep.

6. Finding a book that feels like it was written for me. It's only happened twice, but the feeling you get when you can connect to a story is so fucking amazing.

7. A blank piece of paper. My mom bought me a a really nice journal over christmas break and I love flipping through the pages because they're all so white and crisp.
I also enjoy filling up the pages. I'm really not that far in it yet, but I like how the pages look with my handwriting all over it.

8. Bathing. "There must be quite a few things that a hot bath won't cure, but I don't know many of them." - Sylvia Plath.

burned out on 2 hours of shut-eye. eyes glazed at the thought of the next 8 hours.

I made the mistake of waiting to study for my abnormal psych test the day before I'm supposed to take it. 5 chapters, 64 questions. I looked through the review questions and could only answer one of them. I'm getting a headache just thinking about it.

I've been distracting myself with wedding dresses instead of studying.

In other news, the weather is amazing today. It's feeling more like spring and it makes me feel very awake and energetic. I like it :] But of course, there will be at least an inch of snow by tonight :[
I wish the weather would just stay like this.